CW: mental breakdown
Well, I can't quite believe I'm sitting down to write this blog post, what a crazy three years its been. I've barely blogged during my final year of university, but now all the hard work is over I am going to attempt one blog post every week (I know right, so much blogging). But today, I'm going to reflect back on my time at uni and be a bit soppy about what an incredible journey its been.
 |
| Mandatory Dissertation Selfie |
I started university as an anxious teenager. I was 19, I'd never been away from my parents for longer than a week and suddenly I was living in a flat of 9 strangers. I had to learn to cook, use a washing machine, budget properly and essentially become an adult. I will tell you now that first year was not easy, freshers week, for me, was pretty horrendous. I didn't get off to a good start, but things did start to pick up for me once my lectures started. I instantly made friends with people on my course, little did I know that some of these people would develop into some of the best friends I've ever had in my life (you know who you all are). I don't think I would be here today, having finished my degree, if it wasn't for my friends.
I know first year was hard, but for me, that was inevitable. What I didn't expect was the hurdle of having a mental breakdown in the January of my second year. This isn't the place to go in to detail about my experiences with that, but it was pretty tough and during my time off, I honestly didn't think I'd ever make it back to uni to finish my degree. One thing I know for sure though, is that I could not have got through that alone. But I did get through it and despite everything, I have now written and submitted a 10,000 word dissertation. Actually, adding up all word counts and exam hours my entire degree has consisted of:
- 462 Contact Hours
- 52,000 Words
- 21 Hours of Exams
But I did do it, I really did. In all honesty, though, I anticipated an overwhelming feeling of joy upon submitting my dissertation. Instead, I came home and cried. I feel very indifferent about everything, my journey is coming to an end and I have no idea what the next chapter of my life will entail. I'm flat out. I put all the energy I had into my dissertation, writing and re-writing and re-drafting and proof reading and constantly improving it. That was my focus. And now my focus has gone and I've crashed. My degree is over, I'm no longer reading journal articles or attending lectures or writing essays and it's hard. For the past three years, the majority of my life has been dedicated to my degree and now I'm a little lost. I need a focus. I know that that will come in time, I need to work on my CV, I need to apply for jobs and everything in between. But most importantly, I'm discovering hobbies again.
I've grown so much as a person these past three years. I've gone from being a needy 19 year old to a mature and independent 22 year old. I enjoy cooking and cleaning, I want to live on my own and more importantly, I have found out who 'myself' actually is. I've discovered yoga and meditation, I've learned to live with other people, I've finally decided that actually, I never really liked drinking alcohol and I've now stopped altogether. I got my first tattoo, I've invented recipes for meals that I love eating, I've grown into a woman.
I will end this blog post with a beautiful message. One of my course friends told me yesterday that out of everyone on our course, even her very best friends, I'm the one she's most proud of. I feel like I don't deserve the pride my friends have for me, but I just want to say, if any of my friends are reading this, thank you for making me a happier, healthier and better person
Peace and Love xo
Follow me on Social Media:
Labels: Mental Health, Student Life
